Ask a Rhino Girl: How do I know if I’m good in bed?

Rhino Girl,

I have always been a confident guy but lately my sexual partners don’t seem as satisfied after the act. How do I know if I’m “good in bed”? – Eager to know 

Dear Eager,

When it comes to knowing if your good in bed there isn’t a magic grading scale to compare yourself to, and while porn is fun to take new moves from you can’t assume you have put it down like a porn star to be considered good in bed. So, we’ve gathered a list of a few essential to help get and stay on your A-game.

Be open-minded: If you’ve never tried it and all consent, there’s no shame. It’s just you and your partner(s), so try it out. Also try to stay open to trying new things that your partner likes, too…even if you’re not sure they’ll really do it for you. You might be surprised, or sometimes just seeing your partner have fun can be really satisfying.

Communication: Communicating what you like and don’t like can be instructional and informative. Tell your partner what you like, and when something is good, be sure to speak up and not rely on just gestures or noises. Any kink? Maybe enjoy anal or oral or not? Saw a thing that got you off in porn? Ask!

Pay attention to detail: A person who pays attention to what is happening in bed will always be a superior lover. Obviously, getting too wrapped up in the minor details is not exactly sexy, but when a person remembers that you liked to be touched in a certain way or enjoy a little extra something here and there, it’s very hot. It makes you feel important and feeling important is a turn on.

Masturbation: If you don’t know what you like or how you like to be touched, you can’t possibly be good at sex. You can’t give any direction and the only way to get to know what you want is by masturbating. Don’t deprive yourself!

Be present and responsive: If your attention is not 100 %, not only are you likely to enjoy sex a lot less but so are your partners. Put your phone down, turn the T.V off and make sure the door is locked. Part of what makes sex so awesome is feeling connected, not disconnected.

Confidence: Performance anxiety is real, so do what you need to do to relax and have fun. The first time will always feel Find your confidence and curiosity.

Here’s the last thing we want to leave you with: sometimes wanting to be or be seen as “good in bed” is about trying to get validation in a not-so-great-way or about trying to get someone else to give us esteem through sex or their opinion of us sexually. If you ever find that having sex is all about, or mostly about, you feeling “good in bed,” in those ways, that can be a cue to check in with yourself about the reasons you’re being sexual with other people and about if you really feel confident enough in yourself at the time to be sexual with others. Ideally, we want to be walking into sex with as much esteem and confidence as we feel we need right from the start: not going in feeling we don’t have those things and hoping to find them there.

But if this is about you focusing on all the kinds of things we talked about above, chances are very good that you and your partners are going to pursue, experience and leave sexual experiences both feeling very good about yourselves and having felt good together In bed.

 

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